Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Snippets Overheard in a Rental Car

Señor Gato Gringo and I belong to a generation whose childhood family holidays were usually characterized by an overpacked car, one or more incorrectly folded accordion road maps, several pillows in the back seat, and a large leaking thermos of grape Kool Aid. After endless summers of enduring/surviving/enjoying these road trips, we pride ourselves (hubris! hubris!) as being experts in the field of travelling from Point A to Point B in a fast-moving vehicle of self-contained chaos.

As road trip aficionados, we know that in the perfect road trip, the getting there always eclipses the actual destination. This was especially true for Señor G.G. who, as a child, was dragged kicking and screaming to visited every historical fort in Ontario and upstate New York.

This past weekend was no exception. Señor Gato Gringo and I indulged in a mini road trip of sorts: we rented a car so that we could schlep our possessions - boxes and suitcases and bags of shit - which had temporarily taken refuge in Madre Gata's (my mother's) apartment in Nerja to our flat in La Línea de Concepción. In a nutshell, we bussed it to Málaga (3 hours), picked up the car from the agency, drove to Nerja (30 minutes), packed everything up (30 minutes), drove to La Línea (2 hours), unpacked the car from a convenient spot 2 blocks away from the flat (45 minutes), drove back to Nerja (2 hours), spent the night with Madre Gata, returned the car to the agency in Málaga (30 minutes), and then bussed it back to La Línea (3 hours). Fun fun fun.

What can possibly be blogworthy about such an uncomplicated & relaxing weekend? you ask. Absolutely nothing. So as a consolation - and because I have time on my hands - I offer you Snippets Overheard in a Rental Car. Now for this to make any sense at all, you must bear in mind 3 fundamental facts:

1) Spain accounts for 13% of the world's almond production
2) In much of Andalucía, the almond trees are flowering
3) Almond trees are a novelty to me. So much a novelty that I didn't even recognize them until Madre Gata said, "Have you seen all the almond trees? They're flowering now." So much a novelty that even now I wouldn't be able to recognize them unless they're in bloom.

This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. Sorry, wrong tale. So with no further ado, I present:

Snippets Overheard in a Rental Car

Where are the turn signals on this freaking car?
Look, an almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Yup.

I'm doing 140 in a 100 zone and getting passed!
Look, an almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Uhuh.

Fuck! It's 80 here and I'm doing 120 and still getting passed!
Look, another almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Yes.

What's this guy doing? He's doing the speed limit in the passing lane!
Look, another almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Get out of the way asshole!

Another traffic circle. Can't they just use traffic lights?
Look, another almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Yeah - can you tell me if I'm clear?

I find it hard to believe that ATV's are legal on the highway here.
Look, another almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Yes, I saw the freaking almond tree.

How in God's name do you open the air vent in this thing?
Look, another almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Can you just find the knob for the air vent?

Fuck, another toll road. What do you want to do?
Look, another almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Okay, we're taking the toll road.

Another traffic circle. Can't they just use exit ramps?
Look, another almond tree.
Uhuh.
Did you see it?
Can you tell me if I'm clear?

Perhaps, in retrospect, this wasn't such a blogworthy post after all. But the almond trees were certainly pretty. Did I mention that they were flowering? You can even see them from the highway. Did I mention that?

4 comments:

knarf said...

Was there pointing?

La Gatita Gringa said...

I refrained. But just barely.

El Casareño Ingles said...

I'm glad we get the kids to count burros and not almond trees - makes for a very quiet journey (zero burros to be seen).

La Gatita Gringa said...

Great tip El Casareño: I suspect that salted burros are less fattening than salted almonds.